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It’s Herpes. You Get it From Sex.

One of the symptoms of it is being unaware of social boundaries or appropriate behavior; often individuals with it simply do not know how to function socially.

In addition to this, she also has the Church Lady Syndrome. While my other clients with Asperger’s are genuinely sweet souls that are simply trying to learn the skills that will allow them to fit into the world of employment, she is actually very judgmental and stubborn. Needless to say, it’s difficult to coach someone that is constantly reprimanding me.

Last week when I arrived for my meeting with her, she was already there waiting in the lobby. Our appointment was at 10:00, and I arrived at 9:50. I said hello to her and told her I’d be out to get her as soon as I settled in and got the computer up. I called her back at 9:57.

As soon as she walked in and sat down, she told me that I must have gone the wrong way in traffic and that if she’d taken that route, she’d have been, “later than you.”

“Our appointment was for 10:00, R, and we actually started a few minutes early.”

“Well I’ve been here since 9:30, and you weren’t”.

“Right. That’s great that you’re early, but that doesn’t mean that I was late.”

“But I was sitting here, waiting for you, and you must have taken the wrong way because you weren’t here when I was.”

“R, our appointment was at 10:00. If we were starting after that time, I would have been considered late, but the fact is that I was on time and you were simply early.”

“Well, you should always be early. You should know that if you’re supposed to be teaching people how to get a job.”

I stopped myself then; the woman has lost so many jobs because of her inability to function within a work environment–I knew that arguing this point was mute.

At today’s appointment, the first thing that she did when she sat down was say, “I see you have a sore.” The snarky woman living in my head replied, “Really? Hadn’t noticed. Thought maybe the botox fairy came and injected only half of my lip.”

Instead, I told her that yes, I did and explained that I had drank lemon water and that whenever I have citrus, I end up with cold sores. To which she replied:

“Those are herpes. You get it from sex.”

At that point, I was leaning over into my briefcase, pulling out her file. Initially, I told myself, “She did.not.just.say.that.” I sat up ramrod straight in my chair and looked pointedly at her.

“No, R, there are many different strains of herpes and what I have is not the one associated with sex. I’ve had them since I was a child.”

“No, it’s herpes and you get it from boys.” (She’s thirty eight.)

I tilted my head and bit my lip.

“I think I’m more familiar with my medical conditions than you, and actually, you saying that is completely inappropriate. That is not something that you’d say to a fellow employee or colleague.”

“Well, whatever you say, I know how you got it.” Her eyes challenged mine as I sat there for a few moments; a battle waging within my head. It was ugly.

In one scenario, I asked her if she knew how a person would get a black eye.

In another, she had a conversation with the person that referred her to me, talking about Jenn, her case worker with herpes that was always late.

In another, I just laid my head on the desk and cried.

I ended up telling her that discussing this issue was not in any way pertinent to what we were doing that day and that we needed to move along. She accepted this with a self-satisfied smile–certain that she’d just put her slutty placement specialist in her place.

When we ended our session and I handed her an appointment card, she visually flinched when she took it from me with her fingertips. It was all I could do not to say, “Don’t worry, R, you can only get them from sex, remember?”

“Well, I guess you better take care of yourself for our appointment next week.”

“Thanks R. I will.”

I glanced up from my case notes and she was still standing there, looking at me. For one second I thought that maybe that was her way of caring, that she was concerned for me, that despite her delivery, she was just trying to help, and there I was, judging her, thinking very unkind thoughts about her.

“So that you won’t be late anymore or get anymore herpes sores”. (Not even “cold sores”, but “herpes sores”.)

“Goodbye, R.” I looked back down to my notes until I sensed her leaving. I considered dictating: “Day previous to next meeting, snarf down an entire bag of oranges and arrive ten minutes late in a mini-skirt and hooker boots.”

Do any of you know where I could get her an application for a job at Saturday Night Live, acting out the Church Lady Reprisal? Or where I can submit her resume for consideration of being the next pope? Any leads would be greatly appreciated.

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Q: If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?

A: If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Dr. Thomas Herzog, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

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