Sound studies have been done which show that abstinence-only sex education — the kind that only says to “just say no” and doesn’t provide any other information — isn’t working, something many readers here hardly need us to prove to them.
However, some of that problem may lie in the term itself, or in “abstinence” being presented for either all the wrong reasons or not accounting for the myriad of reasons — not just because of one set of religious beliefs, as a means of preventing pregnancy, or through fear and shame — some people choose not to be sexually active. Plenty of people choose that for periods of time even if they’ve been sexually active before and felt just fine about it, and even if they do know how to reduce their risks of pregnancy or STIs. Taking time away from sexual activity, or waiting to have a sexual partner can be very enjoyable, empowering and positive: it doesn’t have to be about shame, sin or because sex is dangerous or scary. Choosing not to engage in sex or sex with a partner is no more or less powerful or positive than the choice to do so.
A lot of teens and adults find it very hard to maintain celibacy in a culture where they feel pressured to have sex, or feel that sex is at every corner they turn. For starters, on some level, sex is.
As I said before, you can’t shut your sexuality off, and no one should expect you to. It’s part of being human. However, choosing not to have a sexual partner doesn’t make you a prude, a eunuch or a nonsexual person; it simply makes you a person who purposefully doesn’t have a partner right now.
Like any choice we make, we can’t expect the whole world to make it, too, as it may be the right choice for one person, but not right for another. Instead of blaming others, or feeling attacked, it is more productive and empowering to work with ourselves and be proud of our own choices, not because of what choice — like abstinence, or abortion, or getting married — we made, but because we chose what was best for ourselves. A choice is never right or wrong outside of who we are; it can only be right or wrong for us as individuals. Many people who really should choose celibacy for a while often do not because they perceive that those preaching abstinence are putting down those who do not, and sadly, that happens all too often. Make sure your choice empowers you, but doesn’t disempower others at the same time.
People around you, like friends, family or romantic partners, should support the choices you are making, even if they don’t agree with them, or wouldn’t make that choice for themselves. That is what it truly is to be someone’s friend or partner.
If you’re choosing to abstain from sex with a partner because it is what is best for you, you are making a powerful choice that shows you care about yourself and are doing what feels the most right. Anyone who uses that choice to mock you, or tease you, is ultimately someone who is intimidated because you have the strength to empower yourself despite what others think. Even when it isn’t about sex, a lot of people are intimidated by strong people, and can’t admit it, so they react by trying to make you feel small. Let it go, and remind yourself why you’re doing what you are, and remember that the only person who have to really live with is yourself. While doing things to please others or gain acceptance may work in the short-term, ultimately, the consequences of what choices you make will always lie with you, and you’re the one you have to own up to forever.
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Related posts:
- Celibacy In A World Saturated With Sex
- What Can Celibacy or Abstinence Do for You?
- What Can Celibacy or Abstinence Do For You?
- So, You Want To Be Celibate?
- Why Choose Celibacy?
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