The Problem With Abstinence

Celibacy is about not having a sexual partner, not about not being sexual. The problem with most “abstinence” approaches is that they tend to assume you can turn your sexuality — not your choices about sexual partnership or your sexual activity — off and on like a light switch. But what if we get sexual pleasure from kissing, eating an orange, a long hot bath, talking or jogging? That may seem a bit weird, or not jive with how others have defined sex for you, but when it comes down to biology and science, it is really how it works. We can try not to feel aroused or sexual all we want, but for most people, it’s just not something a person can control.

For example, even when a person abstains from all forms of sex, including masturbation, your body can find sexual release on its own, during sleep, in both men and women. Bear in mind that your sexuality doesn’t start in your genitals (in your penis or vulva) it starts in your brain. So, when your senses pick up anything your brain interprets or associates as being sexual, you start to get aroused. For example, let’s say you got your first kiss standing by a pencil sharpener. It is entirely likely that later in your life, the smell of pencil dust could set off sexual arousal in your body, because that scent now suggests kissing to you. That is not only normal, it’s part of what makes sexuality so beautiful; that it encompasses and is made of so much of our lives and experiences.

That is some of why it is so difficult for so many people to “abstain” from every aspect of sex: it isn’t possible.

While some religions believe that sexuality only exists for the purposes of procreation, the way our bodies and brains really work stand counter to that belief. While we can choose not to engage in sex with a partner or with ourselves (masturbation), we cannot choose not to be sexual, and that touches upon far more than our genitals, or creating children. It is as much of who and what we are as breathing and eating, and it is a part of our chemical makeup as far back as when we were still in our mother’s wombs. So, we have no choice in that it is there, but what we can choose is how best to manage it for ourselves, and make it work with our other life choices.

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Related posts:

  1. The Problem With “Abstinence”
  2. The Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self
  3. Does Abstinence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?
  4. So, You Want To Be Celibate?
  5. Become a Sexpert

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