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My wife seems to be trapped by her fear of looking for work. She used to do freelance projects, but she has never had to find a permanent position from scratch. Her idea of conducting a job search is to stay home and complete online applications.

Because of my job, we recently moved to a new city where she doesn’t know anyone. If I suggest making phone calls or visiting potential employers, she breaks down. Although she is normally a strong, confident woman, this seems to be a very emotional issue for her. I have tried to build up her self-confidence, but nothing seems to help. Do you have any suggestions?

Your well-intentioned employment coaching may actually be increasing your wife’s anxiety, so try taking a slightly different tack. Instead of proposing specific job-search strategies, just encourage her to begin exploring her new surroundings.

She could start by investigating professional associations, civic organizations or any other group that interests her. She might also look into volunteer opportunities. By simply leaving the house and meeting people, she will begin to build a network of contacts.

To calm her nerves, she might join a job seekers’ support group, where she can compare experiences with other members. As a novice applicant, she can also boost her confidence by learning about effective résumé writing and interviewing techniques.

Finally, to assess the job market in her new hometown, your wife should consider a temporary return to freelancing. Project work will not only show off her skills but also allow her to evaluate potential employers. And she might just land a job without having to do an actual job search.

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As you learn to manage your job stress and improve your work relationships, you’ll have more control over your ability to think clearly and act appropriately. You will be able to break habits that add to your stress at work – and you’ll even be able to change negative ways of thinking about things that only add to your stress.

Eliminate self-defeating behaviors

Many of us make job stress worse with patterns of thought or behavior that keep us from relieving pressure on ourselves. If you can turn around these self-defeating habits, you’ll find employer-imposed stress easier to handle.

* Resist perfectionism. No project, situation, or decision is ever perfect, and you put undue stress on yourself by trying to do everything perfectly. When you set unrealistic goals for yourself or try to do too much, you’re setting yourself up to fall short. Do your best and you’ll do fine.
* Clean up your act. If you’re always running late, set your clocks and watches fast and give yourself extra time. If your desk is a mess, file and throw away the clutter; just knowing where everything is saves time and cuts stress. Make to-do lists and cross off items as you accomplish them. Plan your day and stick to the schedule — you’ll feel less overwhelmed.
* Flip your negative thinking. If you see the downside of every situation and interaction, you’ll find yourself drained of energy and motivation. Try to think positively about your work, avoid negative-thinking co-workers, and pat yourself on the back about small accomplishments, even if no one else does.

Find Ways to Dispel Stress

* Get time away. If you feel stress building, take a break. Walk away from the situation. Take a stroll around the block, sit on a park bench, or spend a few minutes meditating. Exercise does wonders for the psyche. But even just finding a quiet place and listening to your iPod can reduce stress.
* Use a shoulder wrap to eliminate those knots in the neck
* Talk it out. Sometimes the best stress-reducer is simply sharing your stress with someone close to you. The act of talking it out – and getting support and empathy from someone else – is often an excellent way of blowing off steam and reducing stress.
* Cultivate allies at work. Just knowing you have one or more co-workers who are willing to assist you in times of stress will reduce your stress level. Just remember to reciprocate and help them when they are in need.
* Find humor in the situation. When you – or the people around you – start taking things too seriously, find a way to break through with laughter. Share a joke or funny story.

Adapted from Quintessential Careers

What managers or employers can do to reduce stress at work. It’s in a manager’s best interest to keep stress levels in the workplace to a minimum. Managers must act as positive role models, especially in times of high stress. All of the tips mentioned in this article are twice as important for managers to follow. If someone that we admire remains calm, it is much easier to remain calm ourselves – and vice versa! There are also organizational changes that managers and employers can make to reduce workplace stress.

Improve communication

* Share information with employees to reduce uncertainty about their jobs and futures.
* Clearly define employees’ roles and responsibilities.
* Make communication friendly and efficient, not mean-spirited or petty.

Consult your employees

* Give workers opportunities to participate in decisions that affect their jobs.
* Consult employees about scheduling and work rules.
* Be sure the workload is suitable to employees’ abilities and resources; avoid unrealistic deadlines.
* Show that individual workers are valued.

Offer rewards and incentives

* Praise good work performance verbally and institutionally.
* Provide opportunities for career development.
* Promote an “entrepreneurial” work climate that gives employees more control over their work.
* Have a supply of Shoulder wraps that employees can use while at work

Cultivate a friendly social climate

* Provide opportunities for social interaction among employees.
* Establish a zero-tolerance policy for harassment.
* Make management actions consistent with organizational values.

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* Prioritize tasks. Make a list of tasks you have to do, and tackle them in order of importance. Do the high-priority items first. If you have something particularly unpleasant to do, get it over with early. The rest of your day will be more pleasant as a result.
* Break projects into small steps. If a large project seems overwhelming, make a step-by-step plan. Focus on one manageable step at a time, rather than taking on everything at once.
* Delegate responsibility. You don’t have to do it all yourself, whether at home, school, or on the job. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? Let go of the desire to control or oversee every little step. You’ll be letting go of unnecessary stress in the process.

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* Create a balanced schedule. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily responsibilities and downtime.
* Don’t over-commit yourself. Avoid scheduling things back-to-back or trying to fit too much into one day. All too often, we underestimate how long things will take. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
* Try to leave earlier in the morning. Even 10-15 minutes can make the difference between frantically rushing to your desk and having time to ease into your day. Don’t add to your stress levels by running late.
* Plan regular breaks. Make sure to take short breaks throughout the day to sit back and clear your mind. Also try to get away from your desk for lunch. Stepping away from work to briefly relax and recharge will help you be more, not less, productive.

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